Imagine you walk into an office full of enthusiasm, with a cup of coffee in your hand and your eyes burning. Today you finally start the very project that you’ve had three nightmares in your life, but in a good way — you know how to make it, and it’s going to be cool. You open your laptop, you create a file, you start working — and then it starts. «Where’s the approval? And in the system, who’s going to approve? And why don’t you sign Ivan Ivanych?» And so instead of writing code, drawing a design or even just thinking, you’re going to the hell of hell with the office.
Office Cult of Papers: Who Invented It?
Seriously, who? Who once thought that without ten signatures on every sneeze, the company would collapse like a house of cards? In Russian offices (and not just in Russian, let’s be honest), coordination became some kind of sectarian ritual, like ancient priests who demanded sacrifices to appease the harvest gods, only instead of harvest we have reports, and instead of gods, middle managers who are afraid to take any responsibility.
Here’s a typical story: Masha, the designer, made a cool layout for an advertising campaign. Everyone is happy: the client is delighted, the colleagues applaud, even the director glimpsed, said, «Cool, Masha, burn!» But then it starts. We need to coordinate the layout with the marketing department. Okay, Masha sends. Two days later, the answer comes up: «Can I change the font? This is too much… well, you know.» No, Masha doesn’t understand, but changes. Three days — a new review: «The font is too bright.» Masha changes the color. Another week — and now asks for «Add another speaker.» No one knows what “dynamics” is, but Masha is ready to add a nuclear explosion to the layout, just to be left alone.
So, two weeks of approvals, three versions of the layout, five calls and one nervous breakdown, and the client ends up saying, «You know, let’s get the first option back, it was better,» and Masha, holding back her tears, thinks, «Why didn’t I go freelance?»
Calling for Calls: How to Kill Time and Solve Nothing
But approvals are half the trouble. There’s another plague of office life: call. Oh, these endless Zooms, Teams, Skype and all the other circles of hell where everybody gathers to discuss how to discuss work. Have you ever been to a meeting where you actually made a decision? I-no. It usually looks like this: half an hour waiting for Light to come on, which is, «Oh, I don’t have a password,» then another 15 minutes discussing how everyone’s doing and what the weather is, then someone starts reading a report that nobody listens because everyone is flipping through the tape on the phone. «Let you get it done, then we’ll have to talk to talk to it tomorrow, then we’ll have another one more, tomorrow.»
Calling for calls is like the theater of the absurd, everybody pretends to be busy, but they’re just wasting time, and the funny thing is, nobody wants to be there, and the managers who do these calls are sitting there thinking, «God, when is this going to end?» But you can’t cancel it, it’s a process, and processes are sacred.
Reports that no one reads
Now, let’s talk about the reports. Oh, these sacred texts that employees write with such awe as if it were their will. Have you ever seen anyone actually read these reports? I don’t. At best, they open them to check if there’s a plaque in there. At worst, they just dust in the Reports_2025_Kvartal_3 folder on a server that no one has opened since Windows XP.
But you have to write them. You have to. And you don’t just write, you have to follow all the rules: Times New Roman, size 12, line spacing 1.5. And if you don’t have a signature, it’s not a report, it’s just a piece of paper that’s not worth noticing. And you sit on Friday night instead of drinking wine with your friends, and you fill out Excel, where you have to write in 47 columns, how many minutes you spent «analyzing data» and how much you spent «engaging with colleagues.» And then your boss, who doesn’t even know how to open this Excel, says, «Well just like, but give a few more rules.»
Discipline for Discipline: How to Stifle Initiative
So you’re tired of getting approvals, getting calls, and reporting, and you decide, «Enough is enough, I’ll do it my way!» You take the project, you do it fast and cool, you give it up, and everyone is happy. But then Svetlana from the process control department comes in and says, «Where is the coordination? You decided? It’s a violation of discipline!» And the lecture begins on how important it is to follow the procedures, how the company will turn into chaos without them, and how you, the ungrateful, undermine the foundations of corporate culture.
Seriously? If I did a project that everybody liked, what difference does it make if Ivan Ivanovich signed it? But no, in office hell discipline is more important than results. Initiative? Forget it. You’d better sit quietly, fill out forms and keep your head down. Otherwise you’ll get reprimanded for «arrogance.»
Why is that happening?
In fact, the answer is simple: fear. Managers are afraid of responsibility. If something goes wrong, they want their signature to be the last in the chain of ten. Companies are afraid of chaos, so they create processes that supposedly prevent it. And employees are afraid of reprimands, so they dutifully fill out forms and sit on calls.
And you know what’s the saddest part of it is that the best people, the people who really know how to work and want to do cool things, they leave sooner or later, they find companies that value results rather than signs, or they go to freelance, where no one wants to agree on the type in three stages, and those who stay gradually turn into office zombies that mechanically fill out forms and nod on calls, and the company slowly but surely turns into a swamp where the main thing is not the result, but the appearance of a stormy activity.
How do you get out of this hell?
Companies, listen. If your employee is pulling a project, let it work. Don’t make them spend 80 percent of their time on approvals and reports. Simplify the processes. If you need more than two signatures to approve a layout, that’s too much. If you call for more than 15 minutes, it’s useless. If no one reads the report, don’t force it at all.
Trust your employees. If they do cool things, don’t smother them with discipline for the sake of discipline. Appreciate the result, not the process. And then maybe your employees will work with burning eyes, not with longing in the soul. And who knows, maybe your company will become a place where you want to work, not survive.
In the meantime, well, welcome to office hell, remember to fill out the entry form and arrange it with Ivan Ivanych.